Barefoot Angie Bee

I am still basking in the bliss of running a really fun race! It was foggy and muddy and lots of crazy crazy people dressed up in costume running with me.

I have been jotting down notes so I don't forget some of the details but I want to wait to write a more comprehensive report when I can post some of the race photos when they come out later this week.

I ran in the Teva Proton 4 water shoes that I wrote about in my last blog and I duct taped them to my feet so the mud and its evil shoe sucking plan would be thwarted and it worked like a charm. aaaaahhh duct tape is my friend!
I did not run as fast as I had planned to. Good lord it was a hard race!  The ravines and mud and creek crossings and not to mention the hills truly kicked my arse and made me incredibly stoked to get out there again next year to try again!

Here is a link to some photos from the Des Moines Register.
I don't want to repeat myself too much when I write a report later so I will just say that I was dubious and nervous in the days preceding the race but as soon as I got through the horrid traffic I was pleasantly surprised by the fun atmosphere. Its definitely a buddy race so next year someone is getting muddy with me! I have already slyly worked the guilt angle on Jaymon and I am holding out hope that he will run with me!


Here is a shot of me after I got home from the race. It does not show the amount of mud I had covering me or the shivering I was doing but my oldest son Sam was a trooper and kindly took a few photos out in the cold for me.

Later that afternoon the family and I went hiking on some trails that Jaymon was excited to show me after my enthusiasm for trail racing after the race.

I was tired but it felt really good to be out in the gorgeous fall weather with my favorite people.

Samson is at the very top then Milo and little Archimedes are not far behind working really hard to keep up.


My partner in crime and his mini me spawn, Archimedes.

I have been worried for months now as to what I will do when the temperatures drop and I am no longer able to run outside barefoot. Will my feet keep their toughness or will I have to build it up again in the spring.
I have been barefoot running since June so about 5 and a half months and gradually have found shoes of any kind, even my flip flops, to be very uncomfortable. I find the squeezing of my feet and the toe rubbage to be almost intolerable and have taken them off and felt immediate relief from pain after walking with the family.

 I thought that the solution would be first to buy a minimalist shoe for winter running and then that idea turned into finding a shoe that would also suit me for walking with the fam.  I found the Vibram Five Fingers ,although very cool looking and loved by many, to be too expensive of a gamble since I had an inkling that any shoe I chose would not be perfect and always pale in comparison to my bare feet.

A friend on Runners World Barefoot forum posted a link to a website selling Teva Proton 4 water shoes that were on sale. Water shoes are light weight, no support or cushioning and if you can get them with a large enough toe box, fairly comfortable. Much like a Vibrams one finger would be.
I shopped and shopped and finally decided to get these.  I did not however try any of Jaymons suggestions to come up with an elegant solution of my own but caved and bought mine. I have stressed about that many times considering I have a limited running fund and shoe buying online is a huge gamble and felt sort of like a sellout since I know that for me shoes are just not an option anymore. My feet have changed. My mind has changed and there is no going back. Minimal shoes ARE NOT LIKE BAREFOOT as I hoped they would be........I digress.
The shoes.
I first ordered a size too small and had to eat shipping costs to get the larger size. They were too short.
I knew when I ordered them that it would be a gamble and I would probably have to send them back but decided that I didn't want to always wonder about the smaller size if I ordered the larger one first.

I am a half size so it lowers the odds of getting something that fits when they are only offered in whole sizes. I also have huge feet and often feel like Peggy Hill!
  I took them out for a spin  and had a pretty miserable run. Shoes suck. These were tolerable as shoes go. They are wide enough and stretchy enough to accommodate my foot and my toes did not rub at the end.
The tight grip at the ankle will be something to get used to but I very much doubt that anything will get into the shoe when running either.

Flexible and thin, the Protons had no problem being rolled into a ball however the weight was enough to throw off my form. They have a nice grippy sole that will suite me well in the Living History Farms Race next weekend. Its an XC race with many creek crossings and off road fun.
Overall, I got lucky and they will be a nice alternative to regular trainers and I do not think that they will bring back the lower back pain and heel striking that used to leave me feeling beat up and old after a run.

 I did find that I reverted to a heel strike during the first mile or so but was not surprised and corrected it easily. I felt tired and not as happy as I do on a barefoot run which I did not anticipate being as profound as it was. I had to concentrate on my form and it was much harder to relax.
Since I had to eat a second shipping cost they ended up being $40 and some change. This is half the price of Vibrams Five Fingers so I think they will be an ok alternative for when I need them and I have more money to spend on races!! I am also looking forward to long walks with the family checking out our fine city without pain.

Here is the link to the Living History Farms Race next weekend!  I am very excited about it! I would really like to run it in an hour or less but being that it will be my first time running it, I will use it as a baseline and try to beat it next year!

Sam wore a funny hat and he gave Jupiter the honor of wearing his ghost costume as we ran down Grand street stopping at all the houses with porch lights on. Cold drizzle and wind only slowed us down towards the end when our feet hurt from the cold and wet. Sam and I both still favor crocs and flip flops and pretend that we can take the cold.


On beggars night kind people will give beggars candy for a joke. Its a welcome change from lining up with the hoards of germ machines at the mall.

What was the ghost kids favorite sandwich?
BOO logna!!!

 We were creeped out by the talkative witch lady and actually bummed out by all the chocolate given to us.
In a house with food allergies its actually the crappier candy that most of us can have. Jaymon saves us all from the chocolates and  Sam is the only kid  I have ever met that was excited to get a box of raisins. He never ceases to make me smile! Jupiter was a real trooper. He is up for a good time and an adventure always! Next time I do a ghost costume I will take the time to glue some plastic glasses on the inside  so the eye holes stay in place and don't get stretched out to be a cyclops ghost although that sounds kind of cool too!

Jaymon and Sam learned about pumpkins after being inspired by the blow up pumpkin and ghosts decoration that Grandma Linda gave us.
It tried to ride the wind into another yard but we grabbed it and brought it inside for crazy child enjoyment. They watch as it deflates and lays limp on the ground and  then inflate it over and over.....and over.....and over again! Sam has been waiting anxiously to set it up for months! Since the pumpkin was first associated with harvest time we will leave it out for a while even though Halloween is only for another day.

I feel creative these days and am planning and messing around making Christmas presents. They are going to turn out well if I can get the adhesive issues worked out. I had fun shopping for supplies and spent under 12 bones so far and only expect to spend about 5 more and thats if I need different glue.
I am even making my own boxes to put the little gifts in!
My needs are being met and my relationship is growing allowing me to explore creative outlets. Its been a while and I am enjoying it.
I am still not feeling well physically. I have a cough that won't quit and feel exhausted all the time. Life is always bitter sweet! I want to run but get tired just thinking about it. The plan is to run when the weather will allow and lift weights and train with Jaymon through the winter and then start running again in preparation for the Childserve Run 4 the Kids race 5k which I plan to place in my age group and the Dam to Dam 20k. I am enjoying thinking of it while I am sitting here not moving much.  I am starting to think that this is one of those situations where I need to run a few miles just to get the blood pumping and help those white blood cells to circulate.

We went walking around downtown by the river a few days ago while Jupiter was at respite camp, which
 he loves by the way, and Sam was catching snakes at Sean's house, so it was Jaymon and I and the 2 little ones. I had my Target mens cheapo trainers on. The top of my right foot started hurting and kept getting worse and worse until I took my shoes off. I had Archimedes on my back in the Babyhawk so the added weight probably added to the pain but it was quite clear that my feet have changed. It seems as if the very structure has changed and the bones and tendons no longer seem to tolerate the padded and confined foot coffins that I  thought for so long that  I had to have.
After this realization that I did not have shoes even to walk around in regardless of my winter running solution I needed something for just walking around and I should give something a shot.
My Runners World friend Shelley bought a pair of shoes and reviewed them on her blog. I have been thinking and spending much time shopping online for the perfect solution and finally came to the conclusion that whatever solution I think I have come up with will most certainly have flaws and its very unlikely that I will love any pair of shoes I buy. I do not like shoes anymore. They hurt and I am not interested with the fashion either.
 I ordered a pair of Teva Proton 4 shoes tonight and am excited for their arrival and to take them out for a spin. They look like they will suit my needs for the Living History Farms Race in a few weeks. They also look minimal enough to allow me to keep my form and  keep the tootsies warm in the cold weather.

The house I had dreamed of sold and I was very disappointed.  I had envisioned a life there and it was hard to let go of the lovely fantasies and trust that something else and maybe something better will come along. Funny now to think that I believed that somehow we would find a way to buy it when we were not ready. I had to be reminded, thank you Jaymon, that I am happy with what I have. I like and want what I have and am so fortunate to have dreams and ambitions for the future. I very much like my life and look forward to the future.
Ups and downs and learning experiences almost every day. Learning to breathe and relax and feel stress yet react in a way that does not ruin what I have.
My 4 lovely boys to love and laugh with and a husband that I love dearly.

  I had happy nervous energy the night before the race and feeling a bit dubious about my training since I had only ran 5 miles on the treadmill the week prior. Despite any tension, I relaxed with the ankle biters and the hubby and got my cosmic groove on reading Dharma Bums and was able to keep from dwelling on the race in the morning.
  I  spoke to my friend Dama from Runners World Barefoot forum and we agreed to walk together with her husband from their hotel downtown about 6 blocks to the starting line.

  I slept more than I imagined I would and quickly talked myself out of my warm bed without making the little ones and made a smoothie that consisted of Kefir, banana and 2 scoops of Chia seeds which would turn out to be perfect.  Jupiter was awake to keep me company as I got dressed and put a bandana on to keep the mop out of my eyes and made the wise decision to wear tights and shorts instead of the running skirt. I checked my list and made sure I had my phone, chapstick, bag of dried dates and bottle of Gatorade as I  headed out the door to have my heart sink at the sight of frost on the windshield of "the Crasher".  I pushed it out of my mind and turned the heater on full blast and turned up U2 that was on the radio. I was wearing Ugg knockoffs and socks and an old sweatshirt of Jaymons from the rag bag  so it really hadn't sunk in how cold it was out yet.

 I managed to make it on time to meet Dama and her husband in the lobby just as I walked in the door. It was really something to meet a friend in person for the first time after only chatting on line. She is petite and gorgeous and one tough cookie with a supportive and friendly husband that she trying to convince to run barefoot too.  He just smiled and said he might have to give it a try.
  As we walked to the start line I began to realize  how cold it really was after leaving my boots in the car and just having my socks on. I had to struggle to remind myself that is was unlikely that my feet would fall off from the cold! I was getting concerned though for Damas feet since she has Mortons Neuroma and that it might flare up in the cold after she voiced concern about it being the first time it has hurt since going barefoot.
  We met another barefoot runner named Cody (I think) that ended up running part of the half but had hamstring isses so did not finish.  It was fun to have Dama's hubby take our picture and stand around shivering with the other runners.

The photo shows how we attached our timing chips to our feet or ankles. Turns out both methods worked well. The shoelace crossed on the underside of the chip where it sat on the top of my foot and was cushy and kept the chip from rubbing on my skin. It was stretchy enough to give but not loosen as far as the fit was concerned.

I had not thought  to run with a pacer group since I didn't  know if they would have them for the half  but as we waited for the start I saw that the 2 hour pacer was right across from us with a shining red sign, the color for the halfers, dancing around so I decided to stick with them for the race even though I thought it would be too fast I figured it would be good motivation.
  The anthem was sung and Dama and I wished each other good luck and off we went (Dama ran the full!!) with the sun just starting to shine. The sun was lifting everyone's shivering spirits.

  I was approached by numerous people  about my bare feet. The usual questions, how long does it take to get used to, doesn't it hurt ect. and many kudos and encouragement. The best question by far was "what happens when you step on a rock?"  My reply with a smile was "It hurts."  That still makes me giggle.

There were two rather smug fellows who made a comment about the cold and I heard one ask the other (I don't think I was supposed to hear this but who knows) if I would make it and they laughed and said "No".  "Yeah you just wait and see buddy!!" is what I smiled and thought to myself as I started to get warmed up in the first mile.  I sadly ditched Jaymon's old Iowa sweatshirt at the 2 mile mark  to realize only about half mile later that I should have kept it on. We looped away from the warm sun back into downtown with the tall buildings still shadowy and cold.   My feet still had not warmed up however at this point I felt great and decided to not worry about them. I had made my decision and was sticking to it whether my toes fell off or not.

 I ate a handful of dried dates and had been drinking Gatorade from an annoyingly leaky bottle by the time I came to the 6 mile mark and had to use a potty and when I came out the 2 hour pace group was around the bend and I came to the conclusion that I was not going to catch up and just to have fun and put one foot after the other. People seemed to keep passing by.....
  Shortly after hearing Burning Ring of Fire blasted from some seemingly hidden speakers along the road and being reminded of childbirth and how that was so much harder than what I was doing now, which put a smile on my face, I met a girl named Annelise who had the goal to run with someone and talk during the whole race.

This was her first race and she had many questions about barefoot running and we also chatted easily at our pace. To my surprise she asked me if I was a dancer and after I replied that I was not she said I looked like one. My heart sang at her comments. I have been working on loosing the unnecessary pudge and felt grateful for the confirmation that the work was paying off.  I was already happy and smiling but this made it even better! Annelise was incredibly easy to talk to and sweet as can be and we both were happy to have someone to pass the time with. We laughed about running near runners with  loud Ipods when we wanted to hear music and the comments of dismay and cheers I got on my barefeet.

I suppose I should mention my feet and their condition as well as the roads at this point.  My feet were numb and cold and I tried not to dwell on them and stay focused on my form. Relax Relax Relax, low and slow and easy does it.  There were a few patches of gravel and pea sized rocks that were easy to manage since the feedback mechanism that were the bottoms of my feet were shot from the cold. I steered clear for the most part the wet areas of the water stations. The potholes were fun to jump over and I only saw glass once going over the bridge about 2 miles from the finish and it was also easy to avoid. The worst part of the day was when a couple of ladies were handing out candy and I thought "oooooo candy!!!" and was very excited however they were very sticky chewy gummy candies like JuJuBees and stuck like glue to my teeth. It was not pleasant and I was smiling it up for the cameras and didn't want red gummy in my teeth!! It took much mental and tongue muscle effort to finally dislodge the sticky mess.

  Annelise had trained with a friend for the race. She was the turtle and her friend was the hare. Her friend was shipped out to Iraq and so Annelise was going solo. She told me this and we decided I would be her surrogate hare instead.  We were both ready for the end of the race and commenting about it at about a mile and a half to the finish when Lo and Behold!! The pacer for the 2 hour 10 minute group came up behind us amidst a buoyant group of runners!!!

  We had thought that maybe we would come in at 2 hour 30 minutes but were so stoked  to see the pacers that the smiles stuck to our faces for the rest of the race. It really gave me a boost like none other. We kept looking for the finish line and staying ahead of the pacers. The crowds along the roadside got thicker and when the finish was in clear sight I shouted "ok girl, now we GO GO GO!!" and we picked up the speed. I saw the clock and yelled "Go lets get there before it turns to 2 hours 10 minutes" and we made it to the mat at 2 hours 9 minutes and 49 seconds sprinting at a good clip.  I was so proud of myself I was just silly!  I had beat my Dam to Dam shod time of 2 hours 25 minutes and that race was a mile shorter than this one by 15 minutes. I had done so much better than I  imagined! Annelise ran a fantastic first race and I was quite proud of her. She told me later on facebook that she was going to take the plunge and go barefoot and asked for the link to the barefoot runners group I had talked about as we were running. She suffers from knee pain and is far to young for that nonsense so is going to try barefoot so she can heal and keep running!! Another Koolaid drinker in the making!!

We posed for photos that Annelise's dad took of us  and exchanged names so we could find each other on facebook and then parted ways. I stocked up on all the food goodies and was shocked and entirely delighted to run into the Cappuccino girls!! They had Kum and Go gas station cappuccino tanks strapped to their backs that dispensed hot sweet goodness to this cold shivering barefoot chick. That was the icing on the cake.

  I tried to stay and hang out for a while since I really wanted to cheer Dama as she crossed the finish line and take photos with her but was getting colder and colder and as my feet stood for a while the pain and weariness was creeping in so I hoofed it back to the car 6 blocks away and longed for a blanket or sweatshirt. Note to self, use the baggage system provided by the race and have a sweatshirt and Uggs waiting for me.  I did walk and talk with a young guy after I asked him directions to make sure I was indeed headed in the direction of my car and after I answered some of his questions and told him a bit of my story he said that he and his mom had commented on the "crazy barefoot lady" and that here I was and he was glad to have met me.
He might go read "Born to Run" now!

  I felt great upon arriving home and was pleased to share my pride until I  started to shiver and shake like crazy and had to take Jaymon's advice and get in to the hot shower. I finally could feel my feet again and was pleased to find that I had no blisters or hot spots and they had in fact not fallen off even though I was told by Jaymon that it was 37 degrees out when he checked after getting up.
  Eating was lovely and reading all the race reports and updates online that friends that also ran had posted.  I enjoyed jotting down notes about the morning and was rather shocked as I remembered that I had not had any pain in my gallbladder area and my lungs never hurt from the cold. Both of which have been problems in the past. The dried dates provided the right amount of energy and the bottle of Gatorade that I carried with me allowed me to zip through the majority of aid stations. The smoothie I drank before the race kept me from feeling hungry or nauseous and digested easily.  The resting up was definitely the way to go and I felt like I gained strength instead of loosing fitness during my break. The race was well organized with a nice bunch of people working and running. The aid stations were well stocked and the course was friendly to my bare feet.  One huge downside for the marathon leading runners was that a train stopped the leaders. Here is the article.

I was pleased to have made a new personal record with a final chip time of 2 hours 8 minutes and 43 seconds. My pace was 9:50.

Later in the afternoon Jaymon and I took the kids to the sculpture park downtown. My feet and legs ached but felt strong still. That night I woke once with a shooting pain in my right ankle and a fear that I had given myself a stress fracture. I also have a bruised feeling on my left heel and think that I might heel strike a bit when tired and getting lazy however as I write this 2 days later I am feeling soreness from activity but no pain or feelings of injury. I would love to run today but know I should probably take it easy for another day.

I get to feeling lost in my own life and need to be reminded of myself. This is usually acomplished by getting reassurance and attention from Jaymon. Now the disfunctional way to do this and the way that I have most often attained his attention was to start a fight. His anger meant he cared enough to fight with me and when that anger is turned around that passion is strong and exciting. This  leads to a kind of intensity that is not sustainable over the long haul.
Today I recognized my unease and used my thinking machine in my skull to asses the situation and then decide in a mellow fashion how to proceed. This in and of itself is a great success!
The calm epiphany I had  is that all I have to do is ask for his attention. Simple as that and the revelation was on a subconscious level which is proof that there is change occuring and patterns being changed.

  I can  say to Jaymon, "I am lonely and need you to pay some attention to me".When I uttered these words  he did exactly that. There was no hesitation no arguments just some playfulness, talking about our lives and history, some drinking coffee together, watching the kids together and I felt complete again. He gave me his undivided attention and didn't ask or expect anything of me. He just gave me his time and attention. I knew that the secrets I told him either enlightened him and reminded him of the beauty of humanity and when someone shares it or the dirty little secrets excited him and I felt appreciated instead of chastised. I did not beg or play the victim role I merely stated matter- of- factually what I needed and trusted that he would hear and take care of me.

He has told me that he is not going to leave me. Point blank. He is not going anywhere. I am finally at a point that I believe him. I can accept that his nature has been proof of his feelings and I believe that he is a man of integrity that takes pride in taking care of his wife and family.He wants to be here and is willing and eager to work with me on my self discovery.
I believe that his experiences have made him an individual and that just  because I have not trusted myself does not mean that others are therefore not trustworthy.
I feel safe being submissive to him yet I feel comfortable and confident that my opinions and suggestions are given regard and welcomed. I am discovering the joy and satisfaction of taking care of him instead of taking from him all of the time. How is it that I have spent so much time getting over my childhood and the patterns that were created then. The amazing part is that I am calm and motivated to realize even more of my potential and I know that I am not alone. This is a blessed feeling and I am not taking it for granted. The moments of feeling profound loneliness in a room full of people have not been forgotten.

Its been a long time getting to this point and our lives are far from over but I am humbled and thankful. It took many years for him to figure out what I needed even though it seemed counter intuitive and years for me to let him give me what I needed. We have fought long and hard on many levels but the love is there. We know where we fit in the world when we are together and know that we compliment each other.
Jaymon's attention, the talking to my best friend today was like an aide station that gave me sustinace and reprieve to make it another loop.

Of course could not sleep very well but was not nearly as nervous as I was in the spring running the Dam to Dam and Run 4 the Kids. I got up about an hour before the race start and  I didn't think I could eat so I just drank a little Gatorade and left the house worried that I might be late if I couldn't find parking. I thought I was surely to be late as I sat in my car stopped by a train  as the clock was ticking.

I had wanted to use the restroom at my house and not in a porta potty but was unable and just as I was pulling in downtown there was a blessed row of them all in a straight line with not a soul waiting to use one. I parked a block or so from the finish line and 3 from the start and made a dash to the jons before meeting a fellow runner and making conversation after asking him where we were supposed to go to run. I had looked at a map but was a little turned around downtown and new I was cutting it close on time.  He asked about my barefeet and was nice and friendly and mellow and was wanting to show off his gadgets.  We made it to the start line 7 minutes before the starting shot rang out. It was rather loud.

One thing I learned is that I should start at the front in these smaller races. I thought that I should start in the middle since the 10 miler and 5k folks all ran together for the first 2 miles but no, I should have gone farther to the front and not have had to weave and look for holes to get through.
The race started with us running towards the Capital building in the distance and we ran up hill (which felt really good) and turned left to head back towards downtown. The sun was bright and warm and no wind to make the morning any chillier.
The roads were clean and I only came across glass once. It was auto window glass and was easy to avoid. I had to jump over some kind of poo but I felt rather gazelle like doing it. I did not watch the ground much at all and felt relaxed and calm. I noticed my breathing was pretty slow compared to those around me.

We looped around to face the capital again and I learned to that I can pull out more than I think I have. I should have really pushed and beat those two girls that were around me the whole time. Its funny in hindsight how we think we could have done better. They get to say that at least they beat the barefoot girl though. hahaha! Next time, next time!

I finished at 25:59 to place 31st overall and 5th in my age group. According to last years results this is far better than I thought I would do. I beat my shod time at a 5k in May by 1 minute 25 seconds so this is a new PR and considering it was done barefoot I am pretty happy with that! My feet feel great with no blisters. The roads were rather rough but it felt more like a morning pick me up than any where close to pain.
I stayed to get the results and cheered for the other runners coming in. It was a quiet crowd and I feel proud to have gotten them cheering and clapping for all the runners and not just the ones they knew. I was not as shy as I felt last night. I felt confident and calm.

One observation was that the woman that came in second in the 10 mile had  hair almost as crazy as mine. The difference in body types are so interesting to watch. All shapes and sizes and all ages represented. There were many children and families. Grandparents watching babies while mom and dad ran and kids running with parents too. One baby really made me want another one....... It was a Lovely morning.

I went to the Raccoon River Brewery on Friday and signed up for the Capital Pursuit 5k. Not a long run but I am going to run fast! I waited until almost the last minute to sign up since I had been feeling like I was getting sick off and on all week. I never did get terribly ill but did not want to waste money on a race I was too sick to show up for. I feel pretty good today and was working on my speed on the treadmill this week. I am not doing anything in particular to get ready just hanging out and resting. Purposefully being a couch potato and I was due for a relaxing day regardless.
I am a  little nervous about the attention the barefoot running might bring and waffling between feeling fierce and shy. I think Fierce will definitely win out in the morning.It will be strange to wander out of my bubble for a while. It will be a great start at racing as a barefoot runner and the Des Moines half marathon is just around the corner!

Wish me luck! Race report to come tomorrow.

Thank the Universe that Jaymon is finally feeling better. He still has a dry cough and cannot sleep for more than a few hours at a time but the worst seems to be over.
 It stresses me out incredibly when he is sick. He represents a steadfastness in my life  and when he is down and out and counting on me to keep things together I don't always respond well to the pressure.  Its unfair to him that he has to be consistent at all times but he is a super hero after all so his humanity takes a backseat to my needs as his wife!
He cleaned up the kitchen and buried the contents of the slop bucket and took out the recycling. I was so grateful and relieved not to have to do these things myself after waking from a nap this morning. I find satisfaction in taking care of my people but it is nice to be taken care of too.

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about my health and why I have not gotten sick yet. Both Jaymon and Jupiter have been sick over the last couple of weeks. Several times I have thought I was coming down with something and then I would rest and go for a barefoot run and always feel better. I do think there is some merit to the Reflexology ideas although I have not researched it as much as I would like to.  Some of the other barefoot runners have also said they have noticed that they have not been sick or less often after barefoot running. Food for thought and something to keep in mind.

Jaymon was reading and shared his thoughts again about the baby boomer generation this morning. I loved him smiling and happy to see me this morning and I couldn't help but let it break through my morning crabbiness!   It has been enlightening to think about my childhood and how my baby boomer parents influenced me. They are both very self absorbed and have an attitude of entitlement that comes from being baby boomers.I remember feeling like I was not important or interesting and they were always occupied with something else. Their own thoughts and feelings.  They both come from broken homes so were dysfunctional from the start. They both spend money on frivolous things and are addicted to instant gratification. These habits I am aware of and changing. I am not sure that my brother has been so lucky.
   I remember the "keeping up with the Jones's" attitudes as a child in school and was miserable about not having enough stuff. As I look back at my peers they were miserable as well.. Even the "Jones's" were miserable. We were all instilled with the ideals that the one with the most stuff wins and will be happy. I am glad to have broken away from that and have a partner that helps me to reprogram my thinking to value introspection and self growth instead of buying my happiness. I feel a sense of peace to have gained a better understanding of my parents as well as my generation through Jaymons research into the Baby Boomers. I am very hopeful and excited to see where our country is going with a president that is not of the boomer generation. I am also excited to read more on this subject and revisit again in conversation with my hubby.

 On a completely different note, my darling boy with autism is going on an adventure.
Jupiter will be spending the weekend at Easter Seals Camp Sunnyside. He and I are  going to packet pickup for this race, I am doing the 5k, and then I am dropping him off at camp tomorrow.  It will be interesting to see how he fairs away from home over night. I do hope I can stress to the workers enough how miserable he will be if they do not stick to his diet and that he must have his enzymes with his meals. I think he will have a wonderful time  and I should stop worrying. I will miss him though. He will be gone Friday and Saturday night and I pick him up Sunday afternoon. One of the councilors, Mike, who worked with Jupiter this summer will be there so I know Jupie is going to have a friend there to help him out.

So I decided to do the 5k race on Sunday. I have been trying to talk myself into running the 10 mile but I just have not been able to get outside to train. I don't think I can keep up with the faster pace.  I have been working on my speed on the treadmill in the evenings. It has been cathartic to work on my breathe awareness and relaxing my limbs as I run. I miss being outside and hopefully next week I will get out, hell maybe tomorrow morning I will go. I don't really know what the anxiety is from. Maybe a mild hyper thyroid flair up but regardless of the origin the anxiety is there and I have to do what I can and the treadmill is a blessed option.
I am running the Des Moines half Marathon on October 18th and an online barefoot friend is running the full and we actually get to meet in real life!! I am very excited to meet her and run with her for a bit. We shiare the same attitudes and views on many levels and both love to run barefoot. I am excited to share our experience with the gang on RW barefoot forum. I need to get in at least one more long run before the half and get out to keep the conditioning on my feet up.


I am looking forward to the leaves changing and I can smell fall in the air now. The cool weather is wonderful. I know that when I am out running that the anxiety will disappear as if it were never there in the first place. I think part of it comes from an experience on my last run.  I came across a family burying a child in the cemetery I run in a week or so ago. It was this cosmic bitch slap and seeing their agony put my life into perspective. For that I am thankful but my heart still goes out to those who are suffering to this very moment even after I have forgotten about it.  I am afraid something bad will happen to my babies when I am out running. I so easily slipped back into that habit even after it being clearly pointed out to me what it is that I have and how fortunate I am today. I need to focus again on impermanence and come to terms with it again to relieve my anxiety over my children.  They are mine for now and I am fortunate to have this time with them but no amount of worrying will keep anyone safe from life itself.  I do have such a good life.

Based on the results of last years Capital Pursuit race, I am torn between whether or not to sign up for the 10 mile or the 5k which is 3.1 miles.
I would possibly come in last if I ran the 10 mile.(part of me says "so what do it anyways").
I certainly would  finish but I don't know that I could do it in less than 12 minute miles and thats the cut off time for police escort on the streets("thats motivation enough to run faster").
I have only been barefoot running since June so I have not developed the speed yet("what if I look like a total looser").
I am thinking too though that I am underestimating myself ("tends to be the case"). It would be a race after all and the excitement of that goes pretty far.
That being said I could go much faster and be at least a middle-of-the-packer and maybe better if I ran the 5k ("tempting and would boost my spirits for the half").

I am already nervous to have the attention that running barefoot will bring but I do want to do well ("I know they are going to ask me questions").
 I am running the Des Moines half marathon on October 18th ("yay!") so I do have a distance race coming up.
I want to be realistic in what I am ready for but at the same time my propensity for intensity tells me to go all out and do the 10 mile ("wooohoo run baby run!!").
I will decide by Sunday at the latest. One week before the race! (how mature of me!)