Barefoot Angie Bee

  The cabbage, potato and turkey soup is finally done and making me feel all warm and fuzzy!  Its a great recovery meal after a run. I ran 9 barefoot miles, very slow miles, on the treadmill this afternoon and then had to pack in a hurry for Jupiter's weekend at respite camp.  When I got home from taking the kid to camp I was super hungry.  Preparing and cooking the soup was quite satisfying. I also have a pot of red beans for chili and black beans for burrito filling bubbling away too.  I should be able to add the other ingredients and finish them up in the morning.
  I feel rather unmotivated to run these days. I think the weather is taking its toll. Maybe its just hard to get moving again after a break while I was fighting off the yucky bug. I pushed through and ran anyways  and want to try to do the same tomorrow. Nine miles seems to be just about right and I am still on track for my 1000 in 2010 goal. Trueblood is a fine distraction for the upper miles especially. Its getting weird and creepy!

I have a question for you blogger folks out there. How do you enable email notifications or some kind of notifications when someone leaves a comment????? I have looked everywhere on here and can't seem to find it so I am left to believe that it is right in front of my long pointy nose and need someone else to tell me that my lost keys are in my hand where it is or if there is such and option.

  Did I mention that I braved the dentist this morning. I drove through the fresh and still falling snow to get there and when I arrived I realized that rolling out of bed and heading out the door to get there and not eating before I left was not the best idea.  I imagined myself passing out as soon as she would stick my gums with the shots and low blood sugar on top of it.....not a good combo.

It all worked out though since I didn't have to have any of the super painful and scary shots to numb my mouth. My awesome dentist was able to drill out a portion of my old filling with only a few zings of pain and then repair the hole in about 15 minutes total.

  When we dropped Jupiter off at camp tonight I decided to wear Archimedes in the Mei Tai baby carrier on my back. It has been too long since I have done that. I think it was in the fall walking around downtown with the fam that I wore him last. He wants to run around so much now!  I love to carry him on my back and have loved wearing all of my babies.

(the photo to the left was taken the summer of 2008 while the younger boys and I were checking out the flooding downtown)

  I used a Maya wrap when they are tiny brand new until about 3-4 months  and then switch to the BabyHawk Mei Tai. They sure are nice when I have a rambunctious almost 4 year old running around and need to contain the littlest one while I focus on the task at hand.

  I did use the Maya wrap with Milo for much longer and found it comfortable to wear him on my hip.

  So I posted last time about the Nutritional Yeast and have been chatting with a friend about it as well. There is a difference between Nutritional Yeast and Brewers Yeast. It has been driving me nuts that the brand I have says it is both.

  According to this helpful site (Thanks Averie!) it says that both Nutritional yeast and Brewers yeast come from the same strain although NY is grown on molasses and BY is a byproduct of beer making. Brewers yeast will have a bitter flavor.
  I looooove Vegemite which is a byproduct of brewing so I know the flavor however the stuff I have pictured at the left says Imported Brewers Yeast and at the bottom it says Nutritional yeast.  It has the mild nutty flavor with no bitterness and was grown on molasses.

 I think that this particular brand is using the terms loosely and are trying to confuse me on purpose!  It was the only brand I could find online that was so unclear as to which category it should fall under.

Regardless, I love this stuff and I think it should be a staple in most diets!  Somebody go out there and buy some and see what you think haha!  I found mine at Hy-Vee in the baking  and spice section next to all the other yeast varieties and flours.

  The last few days have been full of germs, laughing, crying, good food, good friends and a couple good runs. My late Christmas cactus ,or early easter cactus which ever it turns out to be,  is blooming and not one of the little monsters has pulled the blooms off!

  The kids have all had a fever followed by a nasty cough. Mild sort of bug comparatively but its hanging on longer than my sleep deprived self would like. I just can't seem to sleep when they are coughing.  Its the whole mother thing. meh. Goes with the job. We are all getting better very slowly.

On Sunday I got in a 10 mile barefoot treadmill run. A friend sent me the second season of TrueBlood and I got in almost 2 episodes and felt loads better after a 4 day rest back to health break. Not running was taking its toll on my psyche as much as the bug was on my immune system.
  I think my feet, my right foot to be exact, are getting used to the treadmill and I am not having blister problems anymore. I have a sore right knee and ankle while running and I am stretching to take care of that. I am also still one week ahead on my goal to run 1000 miles in 2010.

Monday I only got in a 3 mile barefoot treadmill run but I walked for a mile after and watched some more TB. Its fun to get my vamp on since its a bit to scary to watch with the little ones running around although I do get kinda creeped out all alone in the basement with a sneaky dear one who likes to booo us when we are not expecting it.

   Mondays are full of therapy and school for Jupiter, both of which I go with him to and by Tuesday I had had my fill of autism and therapies and lack of progress. I enjoyed seeing my friends and it makes Tuesdays bitter sweet.
  When I got home from Childserve after a long morning of the same old thing that is obviously not working ( Its working for Milo however. He  had a fantastic morning with some new friends in his therapy play group although the fruit snacks I think are what made him super cranky and whiney)  I spent some much needed time with most patient dear one and he coaxed the stress out of me and I had a good long cry and felt much better. I have this thing with blowing off stress instead of letting it go and not coming out and talking about it.  I am getting better though...

  I decided to ditch school with Jupiter that afternoon. He was clearly not wanting to go and do, once again, the same old boring stuff that is obviously not working. We went grocery shopping instead. Everyone has fun going shopping and we did have a nice time. The boys ran around and did lots of helping and we spent loads of time looking at toys and electronics!  Jupiter was much calmer and seemed happy.

  Yesterday evening I met my friend Patty at the West Des Moines library for an Autism Society meeting that turns out is next tuesday! We sat and talked for a few minutes. She brought me a gluten free recipe book she has compiled and another batch of wonderful soup. She makes the best soup! This was a bison meatball soup with potatoes and carrots and spices. Its exactly what I needed since the cold I was fighting off was taking its toll. She also included the recipe for the soup in the book she gave me!

  When I got home I ate the whole thing!  Well almost all, Archimedes mooched a few bites.   Jaymon and I did about an hours worth of Yoga.
  It was lovely!  I pushed hard on the poses I most need to work on and I made friends with the pain. I  was rewarded with the warm fuzzy feelings when we were done.

Here is a photo of the camel pose. It opens up the hipflexors.  Tight hip flexors are a source of lower back pain and possibly part of my knee discomfort as well.

After Jaymon mentioned it, I am now thinking it came about during pregnancy. The way your back sways and your posture changes to accommodate the belly it would make sense that the  hip flexors would have tightened up. It is a goal of mine to lengthen and stretch my hip flexors. I think it will make me a better runner and stave off that nagging lower back pain.

I also do the cobra pose and am someday going to be able to do the Wheel pose like I did when I was a youngen. I did some handstands to work on my wrist strength as well as the crow to help with doing the wheel which I found to be very uncomfortable in my wrists and shoulders.
 To the right is my blogger friend Averie over at Love Veggies and Yoga.  Someday I want to be able to stretch like that!  She also reviews supplements of which many are ones that I too have taken or the whole foods are ones that we eat in our family as well. She inspired me to not leave out things like the below discoveries.

I have been meaning to blog about Nutritional Yeast or Brewers Yeast. Its a deactivated (its not live yeast that you would use for baking bread) yeast that has a mild nutty flavor and is jam packed full of nutrients.

I found it on Gluten Free Goddess's website that she uses as a main ingredient for an uncheesy cheese sauce for gluten and Casein free folks.  The Uncheesy cheese sauce is quite good but with all GF/CF cooking, one must not compare to dairy or wheat recipes but try to appreciate the new flavors on their own.   That said I spiced my cheese sauce up and really like it for dipping corn chips in or putting on broccoli and cauliflower.  I also like it on my salads with spicy beans and chick peas.



Here is one side of the container stating some of the nutritional value. It has to have two different lists to accommodate the  amount of good stuff in this super food!

This is an excerpt from Wikipedia on yeast.





I have been eating Brewers yeast sprinkled, ok poured, on my popcorn and a couple tablespoons added to my bowls of soup. I put it on pasta for the kiddos as well.

Between this an my Kombucha, I think I am getting caught back up on nutrients I must have been missing since I have been craving it so.





At the health food store today I was reminded how
I used to get leg cramps during pregnancy and I discovered a suppliment called Natural Calm. It is  a Magnesium Citrate powder that mixes very well in liquid.    I get the raspberry lemon flavor and just mix it with water. It is a tad sour but tasty.

  I take it mainly at night before bed and it helps me feel sleepy and relaxed.

 Here is a link to the website with its nutritional information.
I eat a banana or some prunes with it to get some potassium after running.  Its best to take magnesium and potassium together and separate your calcium and Vit D supplements by a few hours or more for best absorption. The link above goes over the benefits of magnesium as well as the symptoms of a deficiency.

  There are other brands out there but the best form magnesium to take is citrate as its more readily absorbed.

I have others to share and someday soon I will compile a Kombucha post and its wonderful properties as well as Kefir.

As for running. I am taking today off since I don't really feel like running so I am taking that as my body saying it needs some rest. Tonight I will hit the yoga again and then tomorrow do a 10 mile run or more. I need to challenge myself to do 18 miles but I don't think I will be completely back to health to do that much yet.
 Hopefully I can start outside since it will be a balmy 34 degrees!!  I feel like a wuss not going out in the "very cold" which to me is anything below freezing, since I have runner friends who do so often and sometimes barefoot,  but I am really not a fan of the cold and thats why my treadmill is so wonderful, of which I still have not named!  Tomorrow though may be one of those fleeting days when I can venture out for even a few miles and then finish off on the treadmill since we have a doctors appointment in the afternoon and I might be short on daylight.

"Quit... don't quit. Noodles... don't noodles. You are too concerned with what was and with what will be. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
~Master Wugui from Kung Fu Panda~

  I am in need of some serious detox.  I ate McDonalds yesterday and candy. It was my oldest son's 10th birthday and I took him and his friend to the Science Center. Then to McDonalds for some grub. Grubs would have been better for us but that caramel sundae and that McDouble no bun sure tasted good going down the old throat hole.

At 3:14 or so in the morning on January 28th 2008 Little Archimedes Supercell joined the world. It took 5 days of being 5 cm dilated thinking that surely today would be the day and lots of sex to get labor started.
  Jaymon held me up as I stood in front of him and surprisingly enough noticed how buff his arms looked as I hung from him  and we danced and swayed to Jack Johnson and a very classic textbook birth occurred in fast forward.

 ( My 3rd VBAC and first homebirth!)
  Two hours after active labor started Archimedes  was born into Jaymons hands and placed immediately on my chest in the bed I made in the spare room in anticipation of his arrival.

We rubbed and massaged him for a couple of minutes until he took his first breathe and opened his eyes. He nursed right away and never did cry until he was being looked over by Sheryl much later in the night.

Our Midwife Sheryl, was 30 minutes late and it was a blessed thing indeed. It was so much better with just Jaymon and I and sleeping older brothers in the next room. I felt a calm determination and I had prepared for years studying and leaning about labor and birth as well as having 2 other natural births before.
I was more clear headed than I think I have ever been and in perfect balance of thought and emotion entwined elegantly with intuition. I am trained as a doula and am quite the birth junky loving all the details that new moms like to share. Here he is all pink and happy only an hour or so old nursing like a champ!

So now I sit thinking over the day he arrive and how much fun we have had since. He is definitely experiencing the terrible twos however his communication and curiosity of the world certainly makes up for it.

















 So now I am being nostalgic and want to revel in it with some adorable photos from 2 years ago....

 Yay for the barefoot buzz! Yay for ruffled feathers and scientists with a mission and more missions to come as running shoe companies get all frenzied. Yay for question asking and curiosity!

  So to make this easier on myself I am posting some links to very well thought out and eloquently written as well as entertaining blog posts from some fellow barefoot runners.
  Here is one from my fellow Runners World Barefoot forum buddies and ultra runner Jason Robillard at 
Barefoot Chronicles.  It is talking about the silly email that was sent out by Road Runner Sports. Douchebags. Oops did I say that out loud.
  Here is a clever post by Barefoot Josh.  I agree being a lab rat would be a sweet occupation!

This was written by another fellow RW Barefoot forum buddy who also happens to be a kick ass ultrarunner and fantastic writer. Terrible Twos and Running Shoes.
Here is a link to the folks over at RunBare. So much fantastic information and the history of RunBare it inspiring.
Here is a post   over at Zen and the Barefoot Joggler with a link to a study done by Dr. Lieberman. If you have read Born to Run then you would recognize the name and not be surprised by his findings.

Last but certainly not least her is a blog by Donald over at Running and Rambling. I too prefer to sit back and watch the feathers fly instead of trying to preach right or wrong. There is going to be so much more buzz to come! Isn't it exciting!!!

When you see me running down the road with no shoes on my feet then you will see what I think is best for me and my sole.

  I sit hear dreaming of an early spring in this winter wasteland called Des Moines Iowa. I am sick of wearing my minimal shoes and running on that dang treadmill which I do barefoot and sometimes in Sockwas. I want to feel the warm pavement under my tootsies!

Here is a quote from Shel's blog about the barefoot runners meetup!
"and finally here is some great news for barefoot and minimalist runners far and wide! On may 8th of this year there is going to be an official barefoot runners meetup and race at the Fifth Third Riverbank Run in Grand Rapids, MI. The race is a 5k, 10k and 25k, and events will include a party and after race get together. according to ken bob saxton it will be the largest turn out of barefoot runners at a race in US history, and there may be some attempts at a Guinness record. although there are races world wide that have many more BF runners, Guinness has not yet tabulated a record. either way, it'll be a really cool event. minimalist runners are welcome to the party as well and more info can be found here."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -Lao Tzu

I was asked by a friend recently about running. She said this:
"I have to warn you, I have tried in the past and have hated it, but I am older and feel the need for time to myself and to get rid of this baby weight. ANy suggestions on getting started, like for how long and how many days?"


This is how I responded:
"I started out doing a mile and then building up from there. I didn't much worry about time but distance. I found a route that was pretty with some hills and I mapped it out on google earth. I don't listen to music when I run but sometimes on long runs I wish I did have some tunes! Definitely try to find somewhere to run other than a track or boring place unless you have to. You should try running barefoot in the spring, it helps with form and is quite fun but until then make some small goals and then go after them! You should sign up for or plan to sign up for a 5k. Try this :) I have heard of it and have friends online who thought it was great. I am glad you like my blog!! Follow me and hey you should start a blog about starting running! It would be great and keep you motivated. Most people feel a sense of dislike when the run gets hard but runs change so don't focus on the discomfort but think positive instead! Keep me posted and good luck! I think I will blog about this correspondence too!"


First off I love how the guy in header of c25k is running BAREFOOT on the beach!! Anyhoo, several people have asked how to start running. Most mimply you put one foot in front of the other and tell yourself you are going to like it. 
Its really a matter of perspective. There are times during at least every other run that I have a hard time liking what I am doing but just like everything in life I tell myself that this too shall pass and wait it out. Its a mental and emotional game we play each time and part of the success is sticking it out or sometimes knowing when to stop depending on the day.
I think the hardest part, the place where most get stuck is getting out there. Once you are standing on the road or trail then its easy. You have to push away and ignore the million excuses not to do it and know that its human nature to stall and that its something that you have to just push past ,plain and simple. The first mile is the "get the kinks out" mile and you have to at least give that a go.
And most importantly, RELAX. Relax your jaw, your shoulders, your knees and ankles. Hold a nice straight back and run easy and light.


When I started running after having Archimedes (he will be 2 on the 28th and I started running again at about 5 months or so) I had just quit smoking. I know I know. Trust me I know how awful that is and I also know how hard it was to quit. It took more than stopping the act of smoking but I had to find other coping mechanisms to deal with life.....I had stress from living alone in Des Moines with 4 kids missing my dear one and not knowing what the next day would hold and how to fix what was wrong. I had crappy lung capacity and was hurting inside my soul something fierce. I was fighting some demons that were taking their toll and I needed something, so off I went with Archimedes strapped in the jogging stroller hanging on and smiling. I lost some weight and gained some lung capacity and endurance and time to myself to concentrate on my breathe and my heart.


I look back now and remember with gratitude what running has done for me over the last 2 summers. Hell, this winter has been much more bearable when I force myself to get out there on the days that are descent and to get on the treadmill on the majority that are not. Did I mention that winter in Iowa makes one weary at best?


I have set goals and know without a doubt how miserable I can be when I don't take care of my needs and I need to run. I need to run for my emotional and mental well being. It keeps the stress at bay. It doesn't magically erase stress, although sometimes when you get to that sweet spot it feels that way for sure! That fleeting sweet spot is something else! Where everything makes sense and you feel relaxed and strong and clear.
Running takes the edge off and when I meet those goals and keep getting better then its the icing on the self esteem cake. I like who I am and running is part of who I am.


So get off your butt and go for a run. Put one foot in front of the other and a smile on your face :) I learned and put to the test the fact that if you relax your jaw and mouth as well as your shoulders your lower body will relax as well. You will open up and let yourself be ok with discomfort and you endure or are able to push through a little farther. Childbirth is not much different than running in many ways. There are tips and tricks and advice galore but at some point you have to listen to your body and work it out for your own unique self and it is an interesting and fulfilling journey.
So enough about that and on to other things.

On a side note I have read recently in several places how running popularity goes up in times of financial crisis. It will be interesting so see how the numbers turn out for the races I will be running this year and see if they go up from last year.


My run today was on the treadmill. Of course it was on the treadmill since we had a blizzard warning today here in balmy Des Moines Iowa. Do you sense the sarcasm?? Hhhmmm?
I ran 7 miles. 6 miles in 57 minutes and one 11 minute mile to finish off and relax. It was hard hard, but I finished strong and even though I did not eat optimally today and was still weary from my long run the day before yesterday, I still pushed through and was happy with the results.


My dear one who is a barefoot runner now, is getting better and better and I have to keep my lead for as long as I can! Its great motivation. I am so looking forward to racing with him this spring.
Its so nice to sit and feel blissful after working out together and talk shop.


One thing that kind of bites lately is that my metabolism is jacked up and I am having a hard time staying asleep at night. Thankfully I have not been having the creeping irrational fears in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. I have been reading "Small Favor" by Jim Butcher in bed wit the flashlight to get back to sleep. I love love love Harry Dresden!

  A friend I met online was kind enough to donate a small pocket sized awesome Sony digital camera to my blog. We met on facebook and he was interested in the barefoot running I do and asked if I ever post pics from my running. I told him my camera was too big to carry on a run and he said he would send me one.
 What a kind and generous gift! I do owe him a photo of running barefoot in the snow however but that is a price I think I can pay!  It fits in my running shorts pocket perfectly and is light enough not to be a bother at all.
So without further ado, here are some photos from my run today with my new  kick ass little camera that takes surprisingly great photos!

The weather here in lovely Des Moines Iowa is crap and has been for 7 weeks now. I have ran outside 3 times since Thanksgiving and the rest has been on the dreadmill. Now don't get me wrong I am thankful for my running machine. It was a gift from my father and he drove it up here for us last winter. I can't imagine life without it now but as I look out the window and see the sagging trees covered in a thick layer of ice I long for sun and a day to breathe the fresh air. 
 I love to run. I love to run outside. I even like to run in the rain or mud and can run in the cold if I must but the conditions of this winter have been down right treacherous. Ice and snow and many days of single digit or below zero days.  
I don't want to darken anyones day with  a rant I so decided to look at the bright side and post an ode to treadmills. The first place to start of course is youtube. I am not a fan of the so called funny videos where someone gets hurt and humiliated and we are all supposed to laugh but this guy.....this guy meant to do it and he gets back  up dancing!




The point and purpose of a treadmill for me is to maintain the fitness I have and to try and keep my feet conditioned during the months when I am stuck inside. Unfortunately I have more problems being a barefoot runner on a treadmill than I had running on roads last summer and fall but thats another issue.
My treadmill is not fancy. In fact it is quite old. It has been handed down 3 times so far but it still  keeps me sane and that is priceless! I can run in shorts and a sports bra and feel not an ounce of insecurity in my basement with my tunes playing from my playlist online. No travel time other than the time it takes to get to the basement. I smile when I slide the speed switch or toggle and push the giant start and reset button. My old girl is analog not digital. I should name her...Marge maybe....
 Some people though require fancy shmancy.
  Its a nice set up indeed but I don't think the view and the entertainment center comes with the $5,699 that the treadmill costs and when it comes right down to the bottom line, you will still be running in place on a machine. It would be nice I must admit though to program inclines instead of manually lifting and lowering the back of the treadmill to choose between flat, medium and hill incline but really as long as it tracks miles and time, I am happy.
Speaking of happy, these guys make me smile OK GO.

Treadmills come in many shapes and sizes. You can run on a NASA zero G treadmill that looks like a giant inflatable shoe.

Happy running all and here's to dreams of spring!

"If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows."~Henry Ward Beecher~

I went for the most lovely run yesterday that I have had in a long time and was writing about it when my sister in law called to tell me that my step father has cancer and does not have very long to live. He has a brain tumor that is going to make his passing painful and difficult to say the least. It was a shock to everyone since it came on so quickly. I hesitate to write about it because my perspective, at least the pervasive one, will be disagreed with by many. I feel rather detached from the experience due to the distance both emotional and geographic.


I am estranged from my mother and step father and I am happier for it. The first thing I thought when hearing the news was, I do not wish suffering on anyone and I feel compassion and empathy for their pain. I do not however want to run back to a destructive situation that would be fueled by the added stress. I don't want that kind of interaction to taint my happy little bubble. A life that I have built in spite of efforts by my mother and step father to break apart. I have worked hard to distance myself and grow and heal as a person so ultimately I can be the mother that my son's deserve to have. Honestly, a last ditch effort will not take away the responsibility or ripple effect of a life of choices based on running from oneself.


My relationship with my mother is dysfunctional. When I am around her I don't like who I am inclined to become. A pattern that has been reinforced since birth. Now that I have my own family, which she does not agree with and makes it passively aggressively known, I choose to consider them first and foremost.


I have never liked my step dad and he has not liked me either. We tolerated each other and thats about it. My brothers relationship with him however is much different. When my mother married Grumpy (his grandfather moniker) my brother was around 6 or 7 and I was entering Junior high. Phil adapted to the change more easily than I.
I remembered my parents being together and the impact of their divorce was quite devastating for me as a child so when Grumpy came along I was very against the marriage. Grumpy became a father figure and male role model for Phil so this change in life, this passing is more profound I would imagine for him and I am sorry that he is hurting. I hope they all can find a measure of peace in the midst of their suffering and stress.
I came to terms with and said my goodbyes long ago...


As the days pass I will probably write more about this surreal experience I anticipate this to be. The questions of life and death are fodder for a million blogs.




I have been heartbroken about the earthquake in Haiti the last 2 days. I wish I could go there and help. I have a strong desire to work and do something useful. My place is here to raise my boys and by example instill in them the desire to help and care for their fellow humans. I do hope that when I get the chance someday that I can build and get my hands dirty to help others.
I have such wealth. There is nothing that we need that we don't have. We have a nice home and plenty of nutritious food to eat. We have water and a phone and computers. Such luxury.
I have my children in the room with me as I type and somewhere in Haiti someone is walking past a corpse on the street or digging in the rubble to find a survivor with their bare hands. They live in fear for their lives. All suffering is suffering however there are different degrees and I am so full of humble gratitude for what I have.
No one in this world should go hungry or live in such fear and poverty and why is it that a place like Haiti, so full of strife keeps getting hit with massive disasters. I can only believe and hope that the growth and rebuilding that Presidents Clinton and Obama have spoken of become realities.


A friend posted this as her status update

"when you learn of real suffering, it puts ones entire life in brilliant perspective and I shudder with gratitude."

I agree completely.

So my run yesterday was in perfect timing. I felt relaxed and happy. The stress from the day melted away much like the snow in the warm sunshine. The fear of loss of what I hold dear disappeared and I was left just feeling all mellow yellow. I ran to find peace and not to run away from my problems and I found it.
The glow of the sunset on the downtown buildings was glorious and the air was crisp and clean. I ran in my Teva Protons and felt confident running on the ice and snow although there was a great deal of cleared road to run on after so much melt from the warm 43 degree weather. The Protons are thin enough to still have a nice ground feel and yet descent traction as well. My feet were toasty with my wool socks even running on snow. I thought to kick off the shoes and give running barefoot in the snow a try but then spaced it off and remembered it again only on the way home. My thoughts were flowing and clear as the air. The thick and comforting smell of the evergreens made me breather deeper and smile. I would have liked to run twice the time and distance but as the sun set it began to get cold again and I missed my boys anyways.





Running is a useful tool for me to keep my stress in check and manageable so when my sister in law called with the news I was able to handle it in stride and with a measure of grace. I must add here that I also think a good orgasm or two,some deep breathing and mediation, talking to my dear one and venting and exploring ideas are also priceless tools to staying in a frame of mind to continue thinking instead of getting lost in emotion.


So I have tried to to write many times today and thought about ditching it all together but I vowed to write in this blog once a week so here it is, disjointed as it may seem.


"Your life is an occasion, rise up to it" as Mr. Magorium says in his delightful movie.

I am done having babies.
I posted a facebook status about this a while back and it just keeps popping into my mind. Then I went to find a cute photo to post on here and got stuck looking at hundreds of baby Archimedes photos and started to reconsider and I decided to stop thinking about it so much and come back to it later.

Now that a few days have gone by and I am opening this draft again I am not so emotionally downtrodden about it that I can think about the price I pay being pregnant, giving birth and nursing.

My thyroid is wacky. My gallbladder aches  and my continence  is not as it once was especially when Jaymon picks me up and swings me around or when I laugh too hard or am caught off guard by a sneeze.
 Being pregnant will mean a change in my running and of course gaining weight again. I think I am very nervous about giving birth again. I have had a c-section, a natural hospital birth, a natural birth at a Birth Center and an unassisted homebirth (my midwife was late by half and hour). I had no major complications with the c-section and all the VBAC's (vaginal birth after a cesarean) were normal and beautiful experiences and the home birth being the most ideal.
More than likely everything would be fine and I have faith that my body is strong and knows exactly what it is doing but I do feel like I would be tempting the fates.

I don't want admit that I am done out loud and assume it is set in stone. I would like to keep a very small possibility that a few years down the road we will decide that more babies would be wonderful and the price I pay for it physically would be worth it.

 I love seeing my body change and grow and I would have big boobs again!  I love to feel the baby kicking and rolling around and the lovely feeling of not being alone in such a surreal way. I very much like my body when I am pregnant.I feel beautiful and sexy as well as strong and capable.

Birth is interesting and challenging and profound. It was hard work and I endured with the help of Jaymon and had lovely experiences each time. When I thought I couldn't take any more I found that in fact I could. That feeling has helped me through other times of struggle and I am grateful for it......
I love nursing my babies and carrying them in my sling and Mei tais. It does mean that I don't get to do as much with the older kids because I am always with a little fella. Thats a hard one.
Years ago I had a feeling of fierce urgency to have more and now if I don't I will be at peace with it.  If we want more we will get pregnant and have more. It is never ever the perfect time and things work out. So enough about it. I let it go for now.





  I have been thinking about my new years resolutions and have decided to add to them. Here are the additions.

•  Blog at least once a week
• Do things that scare me.  A friend is working on this and she mentioned it after she put herself out there to get to know me better. She bravely took a chance and I think it's wonderful. I don't have a list of fears to concur however there are old patterns to change that scare me, believing in myself in certain situations, I will know it when those times come and I will push myself to take risks.

 An emotional time filled with loneliness and profound growth  and in hindsight it traveled at  an incredibly rapid pace.
 I moved to a new city and welcomed a new son into the world. I had my own trials and tribulations and I too was running.....a lot!

  My clever dear one is the person that showed me the Netflix link to the "New" Doctor Who and I very much liked Christopher as I saw a bit of Baker in him. I was dubious after loving to watch Doctor Who that we checked out from the Salina Public library (one of the best libraries ever). I did not grow up with The Doctor like so many....I wonder how my life would be different if I had....I digress, I became a fast fan and fell in love with Torchwood and Sarah Jane as well.

Regardless of when I discovered him , he came into my life when I needed distractions and a jumpstart to my creative nature as well as pleasure!
  I with a synical heart  thought that David Tennant couldn't possibly cut it. Oh how wrong I was. I soon became  hungry for more and fell in love with this crazy man with the cool shoes. He is always running. The running is one of the best parts!!

December 31st 2009 will be a night to remember! Not only will we be welcoming a new year but also a new decade and to add the icing to the cake, tonights full moon will  be a blue moon.  It will be the first since 1990 to fall on New Years eve. The next time it falls on New Years won't be until 2028.

I have not been  one to make resolutions or keep them when I did. They always seem to start out with a bang and end in a sad fizzle about the time February comes to an end. You know the ones, loose weight, quit smoking, be nicer to my fellow man, not be angry all the time.ect. Resolutions need examination and planning and are not in any way simple. They require far more than a new years bit of gusto to become true life changes. (although it is a good place to start, just not stop!)
This year I am thinking of goals that are realistic and flexible. Goals that have milestones and can be planned out and checked off a list. Goals that in turn will add to my self esteme and help me improve in the abstract areas of life and my overall well being .There are aspects of myself I want to work on that are spiritual, emotional and mental  however they are not easily tracked and are lifestyle and day to day things I want to work on regardless of the year or time.

Some of the things I worked on in 2009 and that I want to continue to work on are here in list form (no particular order)  and are fodder for their own individual blog, however I want to jot them down for the sake of posterity.
There is no end to these, no destination, only the journey.

• be honest with myself and speak the truth for the sake of it. Recognize that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach when I can tell that I am trying to make things seem the way I want them too and not as they are.
• come to terms with the gray area. This is a hard one. Perspective is tricky and seems unsafe at best however its what most of life is made of.
• take responsibility for how I look and how it makes me feel. There is no quick fix or super fast weight loss trick. Its hard work and determination and an ongoing process. I have lost about 15 pounds and like more and more how I look. I have a fair amount of endurance and strength as well and I know when to quit counting calories if  my body needs to fight something off or build some muscle.
• listen instead of waiting for my turn to talk.
• breathe deeply and let the anger go
• reprogram my subconscious response to positive rather than negative reactions
• smile more often
• like what I have the best of all.
• stop and think instead of going on pure emotion
• accepting that happiness is what I want not drama and instant gratification
• being able to recognize what my needs are and how to get them met so I can be happy
• remembering that "this too shall pass".
• Talking about things really does help
• Less really is sometimes more 
• Barefoot running means more fun and less injuries (and has serendipitously led to some amazing new friends!)

That list could go on and on but I have to move on and get this posted so without further ado my list of races and then some resolutions.

Childserve Run for the Kids 5k. sometime in April or early May
The goal is to beat last years time and do it barefoot and also to place in my age group. Maybe even win in my age group! I came in 4th in my age group last year.

Drake Relays 1/2 Marathon April 24th
PR barefoot of course

Dam to Dam 20k June 5th
The goal is to beat last years time and do it barefoot.


Psycho Psummer Run Toto Run 50k trail race July 10th.
This will be my first 50k (31 miles which is considered an Ultra marathon) whats another 5 miles really!
(there are other factors involved so this may or may not happen since its not in the Des Moines area)

Capital Persuit 5k  September 26th
The goal is to beat my 2009 time . Last years race was my first barefoot race! I ran it faster than the Childserve 5k earlier in the year!

Des Moines Marathon  October 17th
I ran the half marathon in 2009 and was very pleased with my time and the conditioning I had. I ran the half barefoot and plan to run the full barefoot.

Living History Farms Race  November 20th
The goal is to beat my time in 2009. This was my first off road race and I fell in love!  RUN IN COSTUME AAAAHHH!!!!!! (suggestions welcome) and to shave 15 minutes off my time.

Sycamore 8 trail race   early December
This one is up in the air....

Resolutions/Goals

• 1000 miles...Barefoot of course however since I will be trail running too I just put miles.
• Run a race in costume. 
• Of course a weight loss goal...to keep doing what I have been doing. Track the foods I eat on Livestrong's Daily plate and listen honestly to what my body is saying like when I feel  I am getting sick to ditch the diet and eat more so I can have fuel to fight off whatever is going on.  Ultimately I want to like what I see in the mirror and feel comfortable in my clothes and I do more and more, however I want to keep improving. I am feeling a great deal of satisfaction from the hard work I am putting in. I would like to weigh 135. I want to have less weight to lug around when I run. (I weigh 148 now)
• My friend Krista posted an update about going on a shameless celebrity website fast in 2010 and it really hit home. I am a Perez Hilton junkie. I do think that he is a descent journalist despite  all of the celebrity posts however I spend too much of my life on his website. So no more Perez. I will read or blog or digg or stumble or get off my butt and play with the kids or cook some food!
• Blog at least once a week
• Do things that scare me.  A friend is working on this and she mentioned it after she put herself out there to get to know me better. She bravely took a chance and I think its wonderful. I don't have a list of fears to concur however there are old patterns to change that scare me, believing in myself in certain situations, I will know it when those times come and I will push myself to take risks.
  

A little over a month ago I ran the Living History Farms race and fell in love with trail running and have since then been on a mission to find the illustrious trails in this area. There is a nice set of trails in the middle of Des Moines called the Center Trails and named such for being in the center of the city. I found the trail head and can't wait to give them a go.

I am still basking in the bliss of running a really fun race! It was foggy and muddy and lots of crazy crazy people dressed up in costume running with me.

I have been jotting down notes so I don't forget some of the details but I want to wait to write a more comprehensive report when I can post some of the race photos when they come out later this week.

I ran in the Teva Proton 4 water shoes that I wrote about in my last blog and I duct taped them to my feet so the mud and its evil shoe sucking plan would be thwarted and it worked like a charm. aaaaahhh duct tape is my friend!
I did not run as fast as I had planned to. Good lord it was a hard race!  The ravines and mud and creek crossings and not to mention the hills truly kicked my arse and made me incredibly stoked to get out there again next year to try again!

Here is a link to some photos from the Des Moines Register.
I don't want to repeat myself too much when I write a report later so I will just say that I was dubious and nervous in the days preceding the race but as soon as I got through the horrid traffic I was pleasantly surprised by the fun atmosphere. Its definitely a buddy race so next year someone is getting muddy with me! I have already slyly worked the guilt angle on Jaymon and I am holding out hope that he will run with me!


Here is a shot of me after I got home from the race. It does not show the amount of mud I had covering me or the shivering I was doing but my oldest son Sam was a trooper and kindly took a few photos out in the cold for me.

Later that afternoon the family and I went hiking on some trails that Jaymon was excited to show me after my enthusiasm for trail racing after the race.

I was tired but it felt really good to be out in the gorgeous fall weather with my favorite people.

Samson is at the very top then Milo and little Archimedes are not far behind working really hard to keep up.


My partner in crime and his mini me spawn, Archimedes.

I have been worried for months now as to what I will do when the temperatures drop and I am no longer able to run outside barefoot. Will my feet keep their toughness or will I have to build it up again in the spring.
I have been barefoot running since June so about 5 and a half months and gradually have found shoes of any kind, even my flip flops, to be very uncomfortable. I find the squeezing of my feet and the toe rubbage to be almost intolerable and have taken them off and felt immediate relief from pain after walking with the family.

 I thought that the solution would be first to buy a minimalist shoe for winter running and then that idea turned into finding a shoe that would also suit me for walking with the fam.  I found the Vibram Five Fingers ,although very cool looking and loved by many, to be too expensive of a gamble since I had an inkling that any shoe I chose would not be perfect and always pale in comparison to my bare feet.

A friend on Runners World Barefoot forum posted a link to a website selling Teva Proton 4 water shoes that were on sale. Water shoes are light weight, no support or cushioning and if you can get them with a large enough toe box, fairly comfortable. Much like a Vibrams one finger would be.
I shopped and shopped and finally decided to get these.  I did not however try any of Jaymons suggestions to come up with an elegant solution of my own but caved and bought mine. I have stressed about that many times considering I have a limited running fund and shoe buying online is a huge gamble and felt sort of like a sellout since I know that for me shoes are just not an option anymore. My feet have changed. My mind has changed and there is no going back. Minimal shoes ARE NOT LIKE BAREFOOT as I hoped they would be........I digress.
The shoes.
I first ordered a size too small and had to eat shipping costs to get the larger size. They were too short.
I knew when I ordered them that it would be a gamble and I would probably have to send them back but decided that I didn't want to always wonder about the smaller size if I ordered the larger one first.

I am a half size so it lowers the odds of getting something that fits when they are only offered in whole sizes. I also have huge feet and often feel like Peggy Hill!
  I took them out for a spin  and had a pretty miserable run. Shoes suck. These were tolerable as shoes go. They are wide enough and stretchy enough to accommodate my foot and my toes did not rub at the end.
The tight grip at the ankle will be something to get used to but I very much doubt that anything will get into the shoe when running either.

Flexible and thin, the Protons had no problem being rolled into a ball however the weight was enough to throw off my form. They have a nice grippy sole that will suite me well in the Living History Farms Race next weekend. Its an XC race with many creek crossings and off road fun.
Overall, I got lucky and they will be a nice alternative to regular trainers and I do not think that they will bring back the lower back pain and heel striking that used to leave me feeling beat up and old after a run.

 I did find that I reverted to a heel strike during the first mile or so but was not surprised and corrected it easily. I felt tired and not as happy as I do on a barefoot run which I did not anticipate being as profound as it was. I had to concentrate on my form and it was much harder to relax.
Since I had to eat a second shipping cost they ended up being $40 and some change. This is half the price of Vibrams Five Fingers so I think they will be an ok alternative for when I need them and I have more money to spend on races!! I am also looking forward to long walks with the family checking out our fine city without pain.

Here is the link to the Living History Farms Race next weekend!  I am very excited about it! I would really like to run it in an hour or less but being that it will be my first time running it, I will use it as a baseline and try to beat it next year!

Sam wore a funny hat and he gave Jupiter the honor of wearing his ghost costume as we ran down Grand street stopping at all the houses with porch lights on. Cold drizzle and wind only slowed us down towards the end when our feet hurt from the cold and wet. Sam and I both still favor crocs and flip flops and pretend that we can take the cold.


On beggars night kind people will give beggars candy for a joke. Its a welcome change from lining up with the hoards of germ machines at the mall.

What was the ghost kids favorite sandwich?
BOO logna!!!

 We were creeped out by the talkative witch lady and actually bummed out by all the chocolate given to us.
In a house with food allergies its actually the crappier candy that most of us can have. Jaymon saves us all from the chocolates and  Sam is the only kid  I have ever met that was excited to get a box of raisins. He never ceases to make me smile! Jupiter was a real trooper. He is up for a good time and an adventure always! Next time I do a ghost costume I will take the time to glue some plastic glasses on the inside  so the eye holes stay in place and don't get stretched out to be a cyclops ghost although that sounds kind of cool too!

Jaymon and Sam learned about pumpkins after being inspired by the blow up pumpkin and ghosts decoration that Grandma Linda gave us.
It tried to ride the wind into another yard but we grabbed it and brought it inside for crazy child enjoyment. They watch as it deflates and lays limp on the ground and  then inflate it over and over.....and over.....and over again! Sam has been waiting anxiously to set it up for months! Since the pumpkin was first associated with harvest time we will leave it out for a while even though Halloween is only for another day.

I feel creative these days and am planning and messing around making Christmas presents. They are going to turn out well if I can get the adhesive issues worked out. I had fun shopping for supplies and spent under 12 bones so far and only expect to spend about 5 more and thats if I need different glue.
I am even making my own boxes to put the little gifts in!
My needs are being met and my relationship is growing allowing me to explore creative outlets. Its been a while and I am enjoying it.
I am still not feeling well physically. I have a cough that won't quit and feel exhausted all the time. Life is always bitter sweet! I want to run but get tired just thinking about it. The plan is to run when the weather will allow and lift weights and train with Jaymon through the winter and then start running again in preparation for the Childserve Run 4 the Kids race 5k which I plan to place in my age group and the Dam to Dam 20k. I am enjoying thinking of it while I am sitting here not moving much.  I am starting to think that this is one of those situations where I need to run a few miles just to get the blood pumping and help those white blood cells to circulate.

We went walking around downtown by the river a few days ago while Jupiter was at respite camp, which
 he loves by the way, and Sam was catching snakes at Sean's house, so it was Jaymon and I and the 2 little ones. I had my Target mens cheapo trainers on. The top of my right foot started hurting and kept getting worse and worse until I took my shoes off. I had Archimedes on my back in the Babyhawk so the added weight probably added to the pain but it was quite clear that my feet have changed. It seems as if the very structure has changed and the bones and tendons no longer seem to tolerate the padded and confined foot coffins that I  thought for so long that  I had to have.
After this realization that I did not have shoes even to walk around in regardless of my winter running solution I needed something for just walking around and I should give something a shot.
My Runners World friend Shelley bought a pair of shoes and reviewed them on her blog. I have been thinking and spending much time shopping online for the perfect solution and finally came to the conclusion that whatever solution I think I have come up with will most certainly have flaws and its very unlikely that I will love any pair of shoes I buy. I do not like shoes anymore. They hurt and I am not interested with the fashion either.
 I ordered a pair of Teva Proton 4 shoes tonight and am excited for their arrival and to take them out for a spin. They look like they will suit my needs for the Living History Farms Race in a few weeks. They also look minimal enough to allow me to keep my form and  keep the tootsies warm in the cold weather.

The house I had dreamed of sold and I was very disappointed.  I had envisioned a life there and it was hard to let go of the lovely fantasies and trust that something else and maybe something better will come along. Funny now to think that I believed that somehow we would find a way to buy it when we were not ready. I had to be reminded, thank you Jaymon, that I am happy with what I have. I like and want what I have and am so fortunate to have dreams and ambitions for the future. I very much like my life and look forward to the future.
Ups and downs and learning experiences almost every day. Learning to breathe and relax and feel stress yet react in a way that does not ruin what I have.
My 4 lovely boys to love and laugh with and a husband that I love dearly.